Pernah nggak merasa...
Berada di tempat gelap nan luas
melayang-layang tanpa arah
tanpa tempat utk berpijak
merasa kecil, gelap, tanpa cahaya setitik pun.
Aku pernah...
Dan karenanya aku takut menutup mata
takut mimpi itu kembali lagi.
Takut benar2 nggak bisa menemukan arah
takut tersesat dlm kegelapan itu
takut ternyata benar2 nggak bisa lagi membuka mata.
Tidak bisa kembali pulang
menemukan cahaya menyilaukan dr kamarku
kenapa harus mimpi itu lagi?

Apakah aku sesulit itu untuk dimengerti?
Apakah aku menjengkelkan?
Apa aku tdk sebaik yg aku pikir selama ini?
Apakah aku ini nyata??

Owh NO!!
England got lost. It's so terrible. I can't believe it. Damn.
There's something wrong with Gerrard. He's not as usual. And i... Huh. I am disappointed enough.
Wish Kaka and Villa won't make me sad like this.

Dark. The sky isn't beautiful enough to be seen. It's a damn cold night. Really terrible. :-C

Ada sesuatu yg ingin kukatakan padamu sejak dulu. Sampai sekarang aku belum mengatakannya karena... Yah, karena berbagai alasan. Dan alasan utamanya adalah karena aku takut.

Kalau aku mengatakannya, reaksi apa yg akan kau berikan?
Apakah kau akan menerima pengakuanku?
Apakah kau akan percaya padaku?
Apakah kau masih akan menatapku seperti ini?
Tersenyum padaku seperti ini?
Atau apakah justru kau akan menjauh dariku?
Meninggalkanku?

Tapi aku tahu aku harus mengatakannya padamu. Aku tidak mungkin menyimpannya selamanya. Entah bagaimana reaksimu nanti setelah mendengarnya, aku hanya berharap satu hal padamu.

Jangan pergi dariku.
Tetaplah di sisiku

I think...
I'm ready to open my heart for another one.
I don't remember my past anymore.
It's the new Ai.
The next queen of England.


*Haha. Crazy girl.
:-D

I don't know what to write here.
But i just wanna tell,
i'm alrite now ..

Jangan dulu lelah,
jangan dulu patah,
jangan dulu menyerah

selalu ada cinta di ujung jalan,
menanti utk ditemukan

bagi siapa saja,
yg tdk pernah kehilangan harapan,
bagi siapa saja,
yg mencoba utk bertahan.

Belajar dari hujan

This is specially for my bro,
who also likes the rain...
Thanks for being here in the worst time of my life.. :-)

Mungkin sekarang memang sudah waktunya berganti musim,
hari mulai hujan terus
didahului dgn langit hitam kelam
ada sedikit rasa takut
sendirian
kesepian

kemudian turunlah hujan...
Manusia dgn sejuta kesempurnaannya,
jadi tdk brarti apa2 di saat hujan
hanya bisa diam,
mungkin merenung,
banyak memori yg tiba2 keluar berloncatan di saat hujan
sejuta kenangan yg tanpa permisi memenuhi seluruh isi kepala
perasaan2 yg didapat hanya pada saat hujan turun

hujan deras,
ada yg memilih mencermati,
mengagumi, membiarkan diri beristirahat sejenak dari hiruk pikuk dunia
ada juga yg marah2 karena merasa aktivitas terhenti,
terputus dr sesuatu yg disebut peradaban
sebagian merasa takut
merasa hujan seperti badai yg mengempas seluruh hidupnya
kadang seseorang merasakan ketiganya.

Tapi sore ini,
entah mengapa hujan jd punya makna
selalu ada pelangi setelah hujan
awan selalu kembali cerah
anak kecil, tukang jualan, sampai para pekerja kembali memenuhi jalan
hujan ternyata bukan utk selamanya
kdg memang panjang
kdg teramat panjang
tapi semua kembali normal
masih ada kehidupan setelah hujan

masalah itu ibarat hujan
betapapun berat
betapapun sakit
menyesakkan
membuat mual
dan ingin muntah
suatu hari...
Pasti akan berakhir

bersabar
menunggu, mungkin merenung sambil menanti hujan usai
tidak perlu menerobos derasnya
membiarkan diri bertambah sakit
atau menjadi basah kuyup
sedikit lagi...
Matahari akan kembali bersinar
sedikit lagi...
Keceriaan akan kembali mengisi hari
sedikit lagi...

Amiin
:)

Hmm... I have a confession to make...
I'm really crazy in love now.
Before, i'm crazy in World Cup 2010. Of course i support my homeland, England...
I always wait to watch them playing even at midnight! Though i couldn't sleep anymore but i really really crazy for them. And yeah, i just realized that i'm really in love with the captain... STEVEN GERRARD!
Oh no... I lose my control. I can't stop thinking bout him. For God's sake, he is really my prince. I wish i can meet him someday.
Hmm... Gerrard, now tell me what will you do when i say that i'm in love with you? I have fallen for you... Don't you want to catch me? Would you? All you have to do is just reach out ur hands and touch me, hold me close, and then take me to ur arms...
Okay, enough! Stop it right there, lass... It's too much. Really. :p
oh my gosh... How can i stop thinking bout him? I'm so crazy.
Anyway, i also have an affair with David Villa from Spain and of course my super ex-boyfriend, KAKA. Hehe. I'm just confused whom i should choose. Haha.

Hmm... Nothing special today. I got ill bcause i didn't sleep anymore when i watched the match between England vs USA. Ooh... Steven Gerrard is really my prince charming. He is so handsome ,great, and of course he has an English accent that can make me melting. Haha. Stop it right there, lass.. It's too much.
Anyway, their coach, Fabio, also so handsome. Right?

Hmm... Staying at home all day make me feel so lonely. It's really terrible. I can't lie that i miss my old life when there was still someone who cared bout me everytime i need. See... I'm so single ,rite?

Oh yeah, by this blog, i wanna tell him that i am alrite. Just knowing that he is pleased and fine, that's enough for me. I also wanna tell to his girlfriend that i hope she can always be there for him. That's all.

Well, this lovesick makes me really sad and weak.
So, go away sadness..

I never thought that i will live alone without him. But yeah, life must go on. I will never give up just because of him. I could understand that he has gone, that he and i have our each life to live. Some years passed, and now we have to get separated. I believe that he will be happy with her. And i hope i can open my heart someday for another person.

Now, i still love myself so much. And i will never let my heart love someone as deep as i did. The most important thing for me is just my family. They are my destination. I will open my new page in my life. A page with many new hope.. Wish me luck ya. :-)

maybe it's too late to say gud bye to him. But mieux vaut tard que jamais. Better late than never. So... Gud bye Mr. Heart Breaker. You won't have a chance to break my heart anymore. I know that You are my first love and we have a convention to deliver, but you have killed your old Ai some months ago. So, if someday we will be meeting each other, plis don't ask bout our old love. That's all because of your mistakes. Really!
Maybe i might never find someone like you, but i have to go on. And maybe i might never love someone as deep as i did, but trust me, i'll open my heart someday. Now i'm still keep trying to live my life as normal as i can, without you. Slow but sure, i begin to understand that you are a nobody anymore in my life. You have gone with her. Yeah, wish you always be given the best.

And bout me who is sad n deeply hurt, i believe that ALLAH SWT still loves me. Just having HIM , i know that i can do everything on my days. Because HE is EVERYTHING.
And yeah, i still have many people who care bout me. My family, my best mates like QIQI, ODY, JEJE, and BIBE, and of course my brother who is far away there. Though i always doubt of him, always make him tired to understand me, honestly, i still need you, my bro. And i always pray for your best from here. Bon courage, my bro! Never give up! And plis don't get homesick anymore. I know you can. Hehe. :-D

And now, i'm sure that i'm still Ai, the superduper girl. With or without him.

Hi there! I just wanted to add my entry here but i saved it in my first blog. So if u interest, plis go luphismine.blogspot.com or just click on a tab "Lihat profil lengkapku" n then you will see my another blog. Visit yeu.. Hehe. :p

fyi, that blog i made when he still was here with me. As you know that he has gone now. Fiuh. :'(

finally, i have no idea to write now. So, see you next meeting. ;-)